He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
