When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
