never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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