It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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