Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
