Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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