I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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