dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
