look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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