remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize