I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
