my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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