I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
