Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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