Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize