I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
