Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize