He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize