I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
