grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
