I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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