you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
porn star boner night. come get it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
