he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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