highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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