I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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