Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
