i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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