It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
