Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Randomize
