my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
