ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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