i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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