69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm at about main and main street
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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