I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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