Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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