You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
