you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
