On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
