Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
