Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
