can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
