Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
