i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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