she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
