A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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