If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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