beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
