Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize