It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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