dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
