I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
