I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
