dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
