Umm I'm too high to move.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
