you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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