So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
