I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
