i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
