His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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