Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
