She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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