this boner is exhausting
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
