I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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