Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
