my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
