I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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