I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
