he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
