We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
