he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize