Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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