bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
