I only kidnapped one of them. chill
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
