just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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