Say something about gay babies.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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