Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
