Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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