Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
