jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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