to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
