They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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