jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
