When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
