it wasn't lemon gatorade
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
