glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
