hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
