R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
