90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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