I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize