I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
