four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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