You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
