would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize