I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize